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| (T.T)why does it have poor quality here*lol* (c)Aniyuuki |
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| (c)Aniyuuki |
Post 14:Artist fever (whatever it may be)
Halo!
So ur.. seeing how I posted two drawings of mine (-.-) , this post is definitely going to touch something about art and me.
So, I don't know what artist fever is but I have heard of writer's fever (though I admit I wasn't sure whether it existed for real or not)
At least I heard/read it from from Oregairu *laughs*.
Writer's fever from Hikigaya's point of view is a case where someone wanted to write something because he wanted to tell something to others no matter how long or how many time he have to write it .
Even if nobody acknowledge what he wrote , he would continue writing and then if he could impact someone through his writings he would be very happy.
So from there, let's just assume that 'artist fever" is basically the same thing in art sense.
How shall I start?
Let's see,
Oh yeah the drawings above.
I have just finished the two characters drawing half an hour ago.
Yes, it looked duller than the original image I saved in my folder *laughs*
And yes, it was my mistake for the super small character.(I shall revise my composition)
The second drawing was something for fun too (both were).
I played with the brushes , light and shadows, trying new styles.
But somehow I couldn't see what I could do to make my drawing similar to others.
The thing is , I couldn't make my drawing looked CG or something , it always looked like-my drawing and I hated it.
I mean I don't hate my style but I just wanted it to look like others.
Like others as in; the colors blended (and there's the thing with lineart and all) in so well you'd believe that some anime staffs have produced that.
I also hate the fact that I couldn't think of backgrounds *laugh*
"People who doesn't work hard have no right to envy talented people.This is because they never taste the pain that those that succeed had."
Those are the words I heard/read from alot of sources (including Oregairu and YumePati).
I don't believe that talented people (in any sense) stop where they have eg. born with artistic talent.
I believe to reach up to this point they would try to improve themselves because there is always room for one. Talented people are people who are willing to go through the pain and hard work to reach there ,where they wanted.
I don't believe there is suppose to be a different for non-talented people (in a particular sense cause hey, surely there's at least something that you're good at!)
If you don't think you're talented then make yourself one.
Duh, not everyone are born with some unique ability or something .
You could see there is always a difference between their past work (eg drawing) and their work now.
That is what you call Improvement.
Improvement need hard work and effort and great passion to keep one going.
And those who worked hard would not be betrayed.
As for me, I was told by some friends and teachers that I have a talent for art when I was little but hey, that's not true though (wait till you see my old drawings) .Praises like that made me going though and very happy.
In truth my drawing wasn't close to good (yeah, it was some children's drawing looking good to others).
Now, when I looked back at my drawings I would be able to divide them to six phases (in about ten years or so).
The first phase is your average kid's drawing . It was hilarious but still recognisable as human (Btw I draw in anime styles since I was little and I am self taught/ I did draw in cartoon style before I was 7 or so/I skipped the stickman phase lol ). The characters have "okay" head (too pointy), "okay" eyes (some triangle-like shape ), "okay" hands (but they have three/four or six fingers *laughs*), "circular"feet and a curly hair (for girls, well they looked like old woman most of the time).
The second phase was better (the hands still lack fingers and the head is too big with a small stiff neck).
The third phase was a little bit different. It followed a little bit of Shugo Chara's style (not good though *laughs*, big head , big eyes and the hand structure are all wrong) but it was better in terms of clothing (design) and some other parts.
The fourth phase is the start of me crafting and settling into my own style.The neck is still stiff (it's funny how I could be okay with the neck in the first two phase but mess it up in the following phase/this is due to my lack of determination , I wasn't into looking where I was wrong mostly because it was something I do for fun and I didn't make enough time to learn) but the fingers are all right ( I saw where I got it wrong, mostly from comments by my siblings saying things like "why does he have three fingers only?")
The fifth phase was very recent, two years ago. There is a big jump from my fourth and fifth phase.
My fourth phase is the chubby face and small body while my fifth phase is between that and something in proportional .
In other words the shifting phase started in the fifth phase where, I readily learn my mistakes and looked up tutorials and stuff and actually took it seriously. Drawing remain fun though.
In my fifth phase you could see I changed my styles alot . Some drawing have too long neck, some was okay .
I learnt shading and coloring in that phase.My anatomy was better that's why it was a big jump.
There are alot of lackings though (as I said I still have alot of rooms for improvement).
I remembered struggling in this phase though to the point I got fed up.
I didn't like many of my drawings in this phase. This is what some artist called Art Low.
It is a moment when artist use their ability to perceive their own art i.e the ability to see/judge .
It is usually in this time that artist be able to see what is wrong with their drawing etc.
Not everybody have it at first but then you just gain it and it always get better, trust me.
You would catch up and be able to see your mistakes in a short time.
It is usually the time when artist feel low as the name suggests.
We would have art blocks , see our drawings as something suck. It always feel horrible and I'd always feel like giving up (but I didn't, yay).
This is a part of the Art cycle.
Your art skill gets better as your seeing ability gets better. Once we improved ourselves in that seeing ability we would be able to draw better and cope better with the low times. This is because after the rain there's always the rainbow right?
Just like that, in art we have Art High . This is the moment when we feel high and well, happy of what we had drawn. They would look awesome to ourselves and we say stuff like "the best drawing in my life"/ I have so many of those.
This is because our seeing ability are better and we knew where we are wrong and do something about it (for me, at most it is something I didn't even realised. Like, one time my face are pointy and the next it's suddenly fine. But don't expect that to happen without a reason. I practised . That was my reason . The point where it paid off is the moment I didn't see how it happened is all.).
This art cycle is, well, a cycle. After having a great moment , we would once again face our low(do know that during our low, it is not that our art skills become worse or anything. It's just us feeling it's not good enough and that we wanted to make something different which can be done by gaining seeing ability and practise of course) and by that we would be able to gain more on art skills and seeing ability (wow this sounds supernatural-like) .
By knowing this , Well, I actually cope better with my low and yes, not to get all mighty during my high.
I usually cope with my lows by browsing through old drawings (and think things like "you have come this far, hey, look this is so different from what you draw now," or just have a good laughs) and sometimes redrawing them . I also like to browse others' drawings (this works for art block because instantly my hands will itch to draw!). I am a big fan (laughs) of speedpaint . I would watch them alot of times and feel positive that I could do something like that one day. Moreover watching anime without feeling like you want to draw like they do (or simply to draw fanarts) is impossible for me.
Also , I have my dear friends whom always support me endlessly.
I feel very lucky indeed to survive my Lows without giving up (^^).
So DoNT GiVE Up.
So going back, my latest phase (the 6th phase) was also very recent , in 2014 up until now
By this time I had a collection of tutorials.I even bought alot of reference and downloaded images as my study materials.
There was a big gap from the other phase as well (I thank my Art LOw).
I adapt different styles of my own and have my consistency in it.
The body proportions and fingers are so much better.
There were alot more to be fix , yes.
The most obvious change is the face. In the past, my characters looked so similar to one another ( I am not kidding.). If I were to have comics published during those years readers would be like "hey, this main character looked like the main character from her previous manga , with different hairstyles".
This is always pointed out by my sister whom cannot distinguish my characters , or so she said. I agree though, now that I could see it.
Shading got better around this time.
In mid-2014 I got my tablet and since then I learn digital art.
It was hard .
At first I didn't want to do it at all and told myself to hold it until at least I finish my examination.
But I was motivated when I knew how to use Paint tool Sai properly and there's this friend of mine whom always support me (always, seriously *hearts hearts*) and she always told me she want to see my drawings more . This actually motivated me, it always do (^^).
And so , I created my deviantart account.
My first digital drawing sucks.
Then it gets better.
Then it just sucks .
yeah, to be honest I am having my Low right now (which actually occur alot more often now. eg I would draw something and say it looks good but the next day I would look at it and dislike it and when I try to draw again it would turn out bad again).
But I decided to push my limit by drawing *laughs*.
Having a lot of WIPs in my folders meant those drawings aren't love enough by me , yet.
As I mentioned earlier in the post , I had a problem with the color of my drawing.
It wasn't what I wanted.
It wasn't what I had always always hope for.
Digital drawing and the traditional drawing is both very hard for me.
However I could see improvement in both.
Look up for tutorials. Get help from your friends. Play with colors , light and shadow.
These are helpful.
Don't forget the passion.
I get my fire by looking around , watching anime, looking at people's art and speedpaint.
All in all, never give up if you're serious about it.
I mean I am not serious as in I want to excel in it with flying colors or anything.
Just having making an improvement and having someone looking at them makes me happy.
Thus the Artist Fever.
Trust me, when I say I could cry when someone say they framed my drawing or say they would cherish it forever.
I don't remember crying when I got it worst though. Just super super upset.
I am not sure why though (like, I would cry if I couldn't remember some chemistry formulas or something).
Whether it was something I love so much or I knew it would just get better , I am not sure.
Well, I am not saying it's wrong to cry over something you love because I do that too.
It's just that if you're crying over for example a drawing , it means you believe there's not a single hope for you .
Don't be like that, because there is at least one thing in the drawing you got it right or that you like about and it's fine.
There is always hope and room for improvement.
I used to think that my drawing would never change or think things like "hey, how do I even draw the face to look like that? I still hold the same pencil in the same way," which now that I remembered that, is funny.
You can change .
That is fact.
It is hard and scary . Scary that you would lose what you have.
For example you wanted to change the shape of a face you draw but to change your style you felt afraid that the new one would be worst and you couldn't reverse to the way it is before or something.
Everything is easier than said.
I struggle with my own development.
But I went to look for some courage there is in me and found some and thankfully,Alhamdulillah, I am still alive till today.
So, it is never impossible.
Even if you're stuck or you're walking like a tortoise or your heart is beating throughout the day and night or you're shaking, it is not impossible.
In Islam there is a saying that goes Allah won't change a person unless that person wanted it.
Years by years I have never understood the true meaning but I do now.It means if you want to change, then you gather your courage and initiate that change. Then , InsyaAllah (If He wills it) He will guide you.
[any correction for my mistakes or opinions in this post is highly appreciated]
That is all I guess.
Recently I read a book called "wonder". It was a great breather for me (^^)
Well then,
Aniyuuki
Listening To: Chasing Rainbows -Bring Me The Horizon
Quotes of The day:
Happiness depends on each person. If you
think you're happy, then you must be happy.- Gintoki Sakata , gintama
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